I wish .. I could "Change e WORLD" ..

your friend killed everything

2012-01-30T01:13:00.000-08:00

It is hard for me to sit back and watch someone whom i regard closely to just laugh when having a conversation with a friend who talked and criticized me behind my back. I would rather turn back time and not read it because curiosity killed my innocence. over thinking killed my happiness. insecurities killed my self-esteem. lies killed my trust. stereotypes killed my individuality. and judgement killed me. through all eyes, my best was never good enough. will there ever be a time someone would genuinely fight for me?

your empty promises

2012-01-29T21:04:00.000-08:00

no hope no life no glory, no happy ending. happiness very much doesn't exist.
loves MIKA for his philosophical underpinning of life.

one thing - one direction

2012-01-15T01:56:00.000-08:00

I feel so helpless because there's not much I could do. living everyday with utter speechlessness. It's like I have these bazillion words that I would like to speak out but I just can't oblige to do so. others have no idea how hard it is, to sit down and ponder in four different point of views. to pretend to be happy so that others will forget. to put it simply, to do what I think will be best for others though I don't think it's ever based according to my conscience. to cry myself to sleep at night in the hope of a better tomorrow, or at least a moment to be free-minded. but truly, as day turns to night & night turns to day, I'm just gradually sinking in my own boat.

strength, to infinity & beyond.

2012-01-10T04:50:00.000-08:00

I've come a long way to get through twenty eleven & here's another disaster to fuck my first few weeks of twenty twelve? but i wouldn't call it a disaster either, more like a blessing. even though, sadly, being considerate and caring as a friend is sometimes a detestable thing. that's why i will leave it all behind, after all I had not done anything wrong. why should I be stuck in misery when I could break free from this anchor that's pulling me down, what was I thinking to even consider in the first place. if that's considered dumb then I would gladly agree, I was dumb enough to even consider and thankfully, smart enough to leave. because strangely, no matter how much hatred i kept inside, that many times i felt like a ticking time bomb, no matter how betrayed i feel, it still feels like the most righteous decision i have ever made, the one with no regrets. I may starve, I may die in boredom but my happiness and level of satisfaction is beyond words. it feels like this burdensome weight is lifted off from my shoulder. in other words, hatred gives me strength. after all, change is constant and it's always for the better. taking this leap of faith might just be another blessing in disguise.

the strength, where has it gone to?

2012-01-05T04:58:00.000-08:00

belated christmas and new year all! made my new year resolutions & hopefully i'll stick by it. been hoping that in this new year, everything will change or at least i'm hoping for a slight improvement. but of course to no avail, I still feel hopeless everyday. especially waking up at this ungodly hour for no reason D: my pathetic life. my college life are simply fucked up, studies.. in a brink of hopelessness, social life.. major failure. well, why do I push people away when I don't even have a friend to confide in in the first place. & as much as I hate to say this, i'm afraid, i'm really afraid of what life has to offer, the constant change, the obstacles, & the fact that i'll be lost in it. i'm afraid of having no one by my side & i'm simply afraid of any happenings in a day. i totally have no confidence in doing anything, really "anything."

this most vulnerable state

2011-12-10T01:02:00.001-08:00

death will get us alive

2011-12-10T00:35:00.000-08:00

trust me, i had enough of cheering myself up. this continuous never ending night mare has no ending and i can honestly say, i'm tired of every single thing, tired of complaining about it or to even have to deal with it. i'm tired of living to just get pass through it. the worst part is, i'm even tired to be me. no one cares and i'm sick of being vulnerable. i wish to just be invisible, immune to feelings, and tarnish through thin air.

i have died everyday for a thousand years and a thousand more.

what does it take to come alive?

2011-12-06T23:59:00.001-08:00

been refraining myself from pouring everything out for awhile. As usual, it always came to a boiling point. it's been hell for the past few days, especially bottling it up. does it really harm others to help a friend in need? or do people just want to see my breaking point and let me suffer in misery? & it really kills me to pretend to be calm while my mind keeps questioning my brain when all I could do is to break down at any moment.

In this sea of people I know, is there even one that I can trust or lean in?

it takes a strong front to ask and trust me, it kills to have to answer it myself.

I'm sick of empty promises. I want you to feel what you put me through.

bitter sweet seventeen

2011-11-18T17:20:00.004-08:00

I’m so strong, and that’s what scares me most. The fact that I’m so strong I can block everything out and never actually feel anything or handle any situation. That’s what scares me the most. Being too strong that in the end, I’m only hurting myself.

this year is definitely one of the greatest birthday surprise

but indefinitely the worst birthday, yet.

be grateful

2011-11-17T20:06:00.003-08:00

At this age, everything is changing. Day by day we don't notice, but just look back over the past years and you will realize everything has. People you thought were going to be there forever aren't, and people you never imagine you'd be speaking to are now some of your closest firends. Life makes little sense, and the more we grow the less sense it will make.

I’ve been walked on, used and forgotten and I don’t regret one moment of it because in those moments, I’ve learned a lot. I’ve learned who I can trust and can’t. I’ve learned the meaning of friendship. I’ve learned how to tell when people are lying and when they’re sincere. I’ve learned how to be a teenager, and how to grow up when I need to. I won’t ever take what I have for granted. This is life, live it one day at a time. You never know how many days you’ve got left & I should just probably be thankful if god gives me another year.

So make the most out of it now, before it all changes once again, because in the near future, all of this is only going to be memories.

don't let me fall

2011-11-09T15:47:00.002-08:00

I hate being alone. I'm clingy and constantly crave the attention of those who seem so well off and perfect. It's terrible because we really shouldn't depend on anybody but ourselves. I put up such a strong facade, nobody would believe I could ever be sad or alone. I've worked hard to achieve that status and even harder to keep reassuring people it's real. But sometimes I wish everyone would know. I am not perfect. Not even close. I feel like a nobody most of the time. and the only thing worse than being alone is feeling alone with everybody beside you.

coping

2011-11-02T02:27:00.008-07:00

There it goes again. That heavy feeling in your chest when you don't feel any desire to speak or to justify yourself. All you want to do is to close your eyes and sleep, because the process of being broken is incredibly exhausting. You attempt your best to make your days worthwhile and fulfilling, but no matter how hard you try, you just can't seem to connect to anyone or anything.

To get up in the morning only to know that you have to face another obstacle takes strength.

To smile when the only thing you can do is cry takes bravery.

To act happy and laugh when you know that times are at their worst takes courage.

To be joyous when the only good news is the best of bed news takes support.

To be there and help others through the roughest times in life takes love.

i miss my friends, that's if I've ever been considered as even a mere friend.

lonely soul in a lonely night

2011-10-28T23:20:00.003-07:00

As I get older, the more trouble there'll be, the more miserable life gets, and nothing will ever go my way. when every single thing in life pulls me down and nothing is left to pull myself back up. when I'll always be this villain for people do not know the truth, but when the truth be told, the humiliation takes over. Through the billion of friends out there or even the few that you consider best friends, no one truly cares. They're busy taking sides, having their own fun, because people just tend to make new friends and forget old ones or maybe a selfless human being just simply doesn't matter.

what've i done that lead me to this state. wish I could just let things out for once. when i confide, people judge me. i just wanna be loved. for once, feel a sincere one. others think i'm having fun, others think i'm doing fine. when truly, i'm such a lonely soul.

Since the day is approaching fast, I wish god could just grant me my wish. I really do not wish for anything that could simply be bought by money because money can't buy me happiness, and I just truly want to be happy even though i know happiness doesn't exist. please bring me back to life in another 20 days. i'm sick of being sick, whatever defines sick.

dear backstabbers

2011-10-28T00:50:00.004-07:00

it's tough when someone significant starts to ignore you, but it's even tougher to pretend that you don't mind. & you know what hurts the most? The seconds in the morning where you've just woken up and for the precious seconds you've forgotten the reasons why you're mad and unhappy; the reasons you're so broken & then it hits you again, like a stab to the heart and you remember all the reasons you didn't want to wake up. Yeah, that sucks.

dear dearest people

2011-10-25T10:12:00.007-07:00

I wonder how stupid others think I am to believe all the lies that were told, all the things that were done behind my back, or simply things that was right infront of me but I pretend not to know. I'm not that dumb nor am I ignorant, I just choose to not know and act as if it never happen. So that I do not need to constantly think of it, that the pain that I bear will just be inside, caged like a bird, & it will just be on me. Afterall, I'll always be this 'villain' in everybody's eyes, and through all those things you did, you'll still be the one taking all the good credits.

oh wells, I'm always on the wrong anyway.
back to old times, all by myself.

i'll be there

2011-10-23T01:41:00.003-07:00

Do all the good you can, by all the means you can, in all the ways you can, in all the places you can, at all the times you can, to all the people you can, as long as ever you can.
- John Wesley

best of the best

2011-10-16T00:47:00.004-07:00

the one place where I wanna be

the best feeling one could ever feel

the sweetest thing in the whole wide world

reasons are not excuses

2011-10-09T03:04:00.005-07:00

& do not ever settle for anything less than that.

the unsung words

2011-10-05T15:33:00.001-07:00

October full of red, red of rage and fury.

Cold win breeze pretending to be warmish.

but the leaves feel warm as they leave in a bunch,

while the abandoned freezing branch left alone,

bootlessly left unsound.

lady luck, where art thou?

2011-10-04T00:58:00.003-07:00

fall is such a pain in the ass, ahhh ): It's only the 4th, and i'm already being bombarded with lots of shits. school just started for a week and things are starting to get serious. i mean homeworks and stuff, i'm lagging behind as usual, like 'way' behind. Spilled hot chocolate in CSC class today, shall not elaborate on that, too embarrassing to be true -.-"

First chemistry lab didn't really go well either, forgetting about prelab and stuff. and i still have readings, csc quiz, chem hw and chem quiz all due by wed. Not forgetting, my blackberry which suddenly died out of nowhere. oh god, blackberry please stop being a bitch.. I've just bought you like a week ago? get a life. Is this god's way of telling me to get an iphone5 which will be released this morning *delusional? YES* or is he asking me to stick with rusty nokia, from wherever i can get it from =.=" Either way, none is making my life easier.

dear life, i beg you not to go for all the wrong ways and doings please. I had enough things to do, and please stop with the sufferings.. nor is this fever helping -.- it's only the start of 2nd week and I'm already sick, IF only i can afford not to go to school or if there's such thing as 'Medical Certificate' here, I wouldn't mind being sick for as long as MC is given, but seriously not for now D: i need to survive!!!

Physically dying, and emotionally.. not doing any better.

my biggest weakness

2011-09-10T03:32:00.006-07:00

because things change. and friends leave. and life doesn't stop for anybody.

maybe that's the reason why people grew apart. catch up soon, friends?

too many fuck

2011-08-22T16:56:00.004-07:00

omg seriously how shitty can this summer break gets. like all's wrong that ends wrong? F. oh god, please just give me a break. it's as if waiting for my gpa to come out is not nerve wrecking enough, then now all this fuss about stupid chemistry. and it's not as if singapore has been treating me well either. UGHHHH.. FUCK, i hate everybody in this world. maybe i should change my flight to 24th zz. and get the hell out of everybody as fast as possible. LIKE REALLY ASAPPPPP! *screams every single vulgarity word in my dictionary*

and if by any coincidence anybody reading this is feeling guilty, then all I have to say is that.. prolly this post were predestined, so..... FUCK YOU PEOPLE, and by the way, i meant this (: just turn your back, don't worry, i like it that way (Y)

just a quick random thought, no sarcasm though, i think i am who i am because of all the shits and fucked up people in my life =.=" so i guess if anybody is feeling guilty, i think it's safe to assume that i'm selfish because all of you.. i'm your selfish little friend and i'll always be, trust me ^^ i may be nice but i'll always be selfish, ALWAYS.

complexity

2011-07-23T04:44:00.007-07:00

You have enemies? Good.
That means you've stood up for something, some time in your life.
- Winston Churchill

don't bother saying your sorry because it's useless when you don't mean it. And don't bother being friends, you don't deserve my friendship. And don't bother expecting me to be there for you anymore, because I won't be there for someone who was never there for me. but you know what, the truth is, there's actually no real point in telling others how you feel or what you're dealing with. because no matter what, people care about themselves most. there'll never be a person who understands you best other than yourself. that fake up front that you give, nobody can look any deeper. and don't ever thing that you know someone best, because in my case, there's still one thousand and one reason that's only accessible to me. After all I'm content with loneliness. So take me down, take me down deeper, cause flying back up high will be my one and only way. Let's just say i'll be the most complex human being that could ever be fathomed.

Forgive, but don't forget. Learn from your mistakes but never regret.

People change and things go wrong, but always remember that life goes on.

the first day of summer

2011-06-27T05:15:00.006-07:00

dear summer, please be good to me and treat me nicely..

give me more sunshine and less rain please (:

with much love, muachhhhh :*

if only gpa doesn't matter

2011-06-27T04:29:00.002-07:00

here comes the sudden urge to blog. it's been sooo long! and you know what, i miss my old life much.. this stupid boring life that i have in seattle and the zomg drama that it has to offer is just too much -.-" it just felt so gossip girlish. i seriously can't wait till August and my one month holiday!!! envy those who took summer off, i wish i'm in singapore or indo now enjoying the 3 months holiday rather than having summer classes which start officially tomorrow with earliest starting 7.30 am =.=" sooo secondary school! we even had assembly at 7.40am in the past. ohhhh! and back gate close at 7.37 am! can't believe i still remember that HAHAHAHA coming from somebody who's late everyday, i don't think anybody is surprised LOL

7.30am starting with chemistry and then engineering physics?! i barely could survive physics in singapore -.-" prolly all thanks to that annoying mr lim. but seriously physics? god please give me some miracle and walk me out of this torture, tqvm. and then technical writing class which ends at 9.30pm. omg, i'm so gonna swear upon my life =.=" I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO HARDWORKING BEFORE, like seriously. who would rather take a 7.30am class than e-learning? yup that's me! oh well, i think something had just gotten into me, i'm a nerd now. my life is just full of conflicts to the extend that i prefer to be a nerd that care less about NOTHING.

sorry for complaining haha ever since uni life starts, i'm just slowly drowning.. my life and brain is simply not working anymore. well, the title of this post explain everything. shall blog again when i'm more sober than ever!

A series of unfortunate events

2011-06-03T22:47:00.010-07:00

I guess there isn't really a reason for me to run away. I've got a great life, no real problems. But sometimes I just wanna get up and go, without any direction. Lose my way and forget where I come from. Sometimes I just wanna see something new. Not the same old thing. It's not that I'm running away from something, more like I'm running to something new. I am moving on and all these things that I keep when I cared too deep, I'm gonna put it to sleep. I can run much faster when nothing weighs me down.

At times the world can seem unfriendly and sinister place, but believe us when we say there is much more good in it than bad. All you have to do is look hard enough. And what might seem to be a series of unfortunate events, may, in fact, be the first steps of a journey.

Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events

At some point, best friends can become strangers too

Maybe, I just need to keep that in mind

adjustment bureau

2011-05-07T02:02:00.002-07:00

"Do you ever get that feeling where you don’t want to talk to anybody? You don’t want to smile and you don’t want to fake being happy but at the same time you don’t know exactly what’s wrong either, there isn’t a way to explain it to someone who doesn’t already understand. If you could want anything in the world it would be to be alone. People have stopped being comforting and being alone never was. At least when you’re alone no one constantly asks you what’s wrong and there isn’t anyone who won’t take “I don’t know” for an answer. you feel the way you do just because. you hope the feeling will pass soon and that you will be able to be yourself again, but until then all you can do is wait."

a dream is a wish your heart makes

2011-04-29T21:16:00.009-07:00

It's weekend and I'm not even rejoicing at all. people would say TGIF but i'm wondering why must today be friday? such an unfortunate day, everybody seemed so upset and distant. which makes today even more gloomy.. i would rather mug for exams than feeling so restless like this. Shall ignore that and imagine about wonderful stuff. THE ROYAL WEDDING ! every girl dreams to become a princess but not everyone had the chance to. what a young lucky lady kate is ): she's so compatible with prince william ! and when they look at each other eyes *AWW (':* I'm so jealous but nonetheless, I sincerely wish them all the best on embarking this new journey (: but have you ever wondered.. I don't think somebody would ever be part of a monarchy family unless he/she is a caucasian. which of course once again proves that I will never EVER be a princess LOL ! I really wish I was born as a caucasian. I guess for now, i'll just be praying that one day, I would be as lucky as her to have somebody look at me in the eyes like how prince william looked into kate's eyes. Like they were in their own world, their own fairytale. where there was nothing to worry about as they were the only one that matters. Hopefully, one day..

like the Duke & Duchess of Cambridge.

OH WAIT.. gotta start going to church so god could hear my prayer & wishes ;p

MUCH LOVE MUACH

2011-04-22T15:20:00.004-07:00

It's been years since i last update LOL as usual, such a hardworking person like me.. keep studying at home everyday *like duh?* there's no need to even doubt that HHAHHAHA living here seriously feels as if I'm one of the character inside 'twilight.' All the atmosphere and everything except for downtown.. cause twilight is just too remote -.-" oh and obviously I havent met a handsome vampire YET !!!

gahhhh so much homeworks, assignments, quizes and tests that I could choke myself to death. I still remember months ago when I want school to start right away but seriously I will trade anything for those 'lazy bum' moments. k i shall update again later, gonna watch my handsome boyfriend, robert pattinson, in his new movie.. water for elephants. AHHHHH MY HEARTTHROB <3 plus today is Kaka's birthday. oh goddd today is awesome or what? <3 <3 <3

Seattle, Washington.

2011-03-24T14:23:00.007-07:00

i guess this is gonna be my last post from home.. sigh, why must I be so far away from home. gonna sleep tonight and hug my bolster tight ! As for the super long 18 hours ++ flight tomorrow, hopefully i dont burn my ass off =.=" gonna transit in taiwan for 3 hours, that's when i'm gonna dig into food muahhaha ! i'm really going to miss like literally everything *feel like crying now lol , like really !* wish time could stop right here right now because i really dont wanna leave but i guess that's obviously impossible. so hopefully the home of boeing planes, microsoft, first starbucks coffee *this is definitely a plus plus LOL* and many more will treat me good !

Cheers to my new chapter of life, Seattle here i come !
& ohh.. I shall give you a lil sneak peak (;

"nostalging"

2011-03-16T14:18:00.008-07:00

i've gotta do some "nostalging" , it's really been bugging me ! this song has been playing in my heads for countless times after someone actually asked me to listen to it and it's been quite a long time since I've listened to this. surprisingly it reminds me of my childhood, where i used to lie down at the back of the car seat listening to this song being played on the radio for countless times. one of my priceless moments, somehow reminds me of home. listening to this song really makes me feel like i'm coming home to a place i've known.

k i really gotta sleep, i still have java class tomorrow.. sigh, nights.

expect the unexpected

2011-03-16T13:40:00.005-07:00

apparently i'm blogging now in the middle of such ungodly hours with no purpose.. it's been quite sometimes since i last updated my blog not because i'm busy or anything but I recently find that it kinda seems weird to blog with people reading.. well i know sometimes the purpose of blogging is to let the whole world knows or else why would you wanna post something so publicly if you find it weird for other people to read it? the reason is, IDK. haha, i just like to share my 'problems' yup only problems & nothing more than that lol with people i barely know and that's gotta be strangers (;

after sometimes of being secluded, i guess i kinda become more tactful since i dont really communicate with people much. well, tactful seems to be very 'self-praising' haha i shall say ignorant :p which feels kinda weird because i'm actually a very outspoken person if i'm surrounded with people that i'm very close with. i guess this long holiday have changed me quite alot, it feels as if i have split personalities or something LOL

you know when this long holiday has been going for awhile, there's a point of time where i just wanna fast forward time to when school will actually starts for me and now holiday is really coming close to an end, i have like a week left till i left for US. Truthfully speaking, now i feel like staying here for like as long as i can possibly stay. the feeling of constantly leaving places is just weird. There'll be too many people that you so called 'abandoned', there'll be many pieces of you that you left behind and you won't feel 'whole.' how i wish i could pause time right at this exact moment. I just think life is sad, especially if you gotta leave approx 8386 miles away from home, family and friends. who's gonna be there for me when they're so far away? counting down sucks alot, i guess i'll really miss this long holiday and this warm feeling to be at home because the next long holiday that i'll be having would be 4 years from now and it's after my bachelor's degree. counting down till then will be such a pain in the ass.

i guess leaving really hit me hard this time.
gotta start expecting those that are unanticipated & unforeseen.

nothing in return

2011-03-02T09:22:00.011-08:00

there's always this part of me that wanna makes people who are close to me happy but that feeling always vanish because i feel that i'm actually trying too hard, trying too hard to please people who wouldn't actually do the same, who wouldn't actually care even for the least. Not that i'm trying to get some 'honorarium' but it's just feels like an unappreciated gesture.why do people keep asking me to go back to singapore and tell stuff like they missed me when they are busy to go out or whatever when i'm coming to singapore? i know it's kinda last minute, but i feel kinda wtf? LOL

no more dreaming

2011-02-19T07:59:00.006-08:00

In a blink of an eye, my holiday will ends.. and it will all be 'back to school' season D: and study study study ! i kinda feel like i'm getting more stupid and stupid after i graduated from primary school =.=" what's the use of high iq? i still feels like an idiot anyway, oh god. that's the reason why the only thing that's going to fix this mindset is by studying and getting into UW -.- or else, i think i'll live my life with regrets and feel like i'm the dumbest person in the world zz. been sick for a few days now.. i think i need to figure out my sleeping schedule too. there's really no way that i would get better unless i start sleeping early, gotta swallow that fact now. after all when spring quarter starts, i can't live with this kind of lifestyle anymore. i must really start being selfish and make decisions based on my necessities. i'm sick of living under people's order and in some way don't you realize that sometimes we give in to things which are important to us but apparently, we just let it pass and nobody would remember a thing, e.g. opportunities? if i keep living this way, i'll be at the bottom of the world by the end of the world -.-" *well, from what we know.. the nearest approaching one is 2012 right? lol* and there's this random fact that i think everyone should constantly remind themselves =.=".. which is, guys or maybe sometimes girls *no offence (;* are jerks in their very own way. which is true ok. so don't waste your time ! good night, why am i 'so not me' today o.O" WEIRD ?! oh and you know what, from now on i'll only be fantasizing about my korean drama life HAHA nothing more than that.

there's no such thing as the 'perfect life'

2011-02-07T07:15:00.007-08:00

why must i cry to sleep every night about every single thing in my life?

i know i've never been good enough to be anything or for anybody.

i've always been the disappointment for every little things.

all i asked for is a bit of understanding but nobody seems to understand.

but i've come to known that life has never been fair, life has never been good to me.

& i had enough of this house, i just can't wait till i fly off to seattle.

but till then.. can i just be somebody else? i really had enough of everything.

sunny dawn is my night

2011-01-31T00:11:00.005-08:00

i'm bored bored bored, is there anything in this world that i can do other than sleeping, watching tv, my korean drama and bake cakes which most of the time... i fail =.=" ohh but i've made molten lava chocolate cake and chocolate mousse which turns out yumm ! omnomnom muahaha. I seriously miss school and I dreamt about me retaining in sec 5 just now ;p I'm so confused over my studies right now, sigh.. there's a possibility that i might not need to go to Beijing for 6 months which is a definite YAY ! & i'll be straightaway heading to seattle for spring intake ;D where i'll be a freshman again, oh god.. is that a good or bad thing?

so much drama, let me be the bitch.

2011-01-24T10:44:00.009-08:00

because when you give in, people calls you.. weak.

what does it mean to get a break? it means less drama.. what's happening in my life right now is exactly the very reason why i like to keep things on my own. i love to be lonely and alone and throwing my tantrums to random people. it's my life and i can do whatever i want with it. Sometimes I wish people were to be honest with me but on second thought.. better not be too honest. But anyway, i can solve problems or feelings or anything gotta do with me by my own. which means stop doing whatever it's that you think will help me unless i say I NEED HELP. because even after every consecutive shit that keeps happening in my life.. i'm still unusual, abit tragic, and amazingly alive !

There are secrets that we won't ever tell.

2011-01-21T12:58:00.016-08:00

you need your ic number to verify your identity and to have access to this post (:

you'll be able to read if you're meant to read this post ^^

Here it goes : ic number

So is this the end?

2011-01-20T09:26:00.012-08:00

Sometimes i ask myself, what does it all mean? or is this even real?

So I guess my days in Singapore are over now, sigh D: never thought that it would be this FAST.. i really enjoyed my approximately 4 years here.. lots of bitter and sweet memories, met with lots and lots of great friends (: the journey that has just ended around 12 hours ago. it has been truly an indescribable experience and it's really sad to have to leave everything behind. It's weird that now when everything is over, I wanna stay as long as I possibly could and never leave.. sadly, time and tide waits for no man. Never thought that saying goodbye would be this hard ): but I believe that this is not the end of everything, everything had just been put into a pause.. This friendship, this relationship that I've been building with every single one of you guys have been truly an AWESOME x1000000 one !! I'm so going to miss high school life, I guess we're all going to embark on a new journey for now.. time limits us, but we'll all be reunited again some day.. oh god why does this sound so sad, i'm going to come back for holidays anyway which is soon, hopefully very very soon (: Thanks for all the memories peeps, you're all mad awesome (Y) !@#$%^&*... keep in touch, gossip with me and don't ever forget about me kk !! *i'm demanding, i know ^^* it's too sad for me to post pics and mention names right now, i don't wanna shed a tear haha so to all my dearest friends and darlings, please take good care of yourself while i'm away and lastly, i thank god for the invention of SKYPE, MSN, FACEBOOK & TWITTER or else i would really DIE because of missing people too much (: see you soon !!

with lots and lots of hugs and kisses from me ^^

Escape; i need it, we all do.

2010-12-12T07:29:00.003-08:00

holiday is so boring !!! i was pretty occupied for the first few day, because there was party after party and after party.. from birthday to wedding, in and out of salon for numerous times. but now.... I'M ROTTEN ! all i do is wake up super super late like 4 pm, then eat and watch tv/ my tons of dvds plus becoming a pig of course.. i guess i'm gonna blabber here more often since i'm bored to death. envy those who are traveling overseas right now ): i wish i can sneak into their luggage and fly with them. thanks to my cousin's.. i called it 'DRAMA', my big family's plan to europe is now cancelled -.-"

Last year's holiday is like way more fun 'times million' =.=" i'm prolly enjoying the chill in Boston, waiting for my flight to Florida and play my ass off in Orlando with the coasters )': miss it so much !! NOW, i'm waiting for my flight to Bali which i'm not excited at all.. because i don't know what else is left there that i haven't try before -.-" and i'm wondering whether i should bungee jump again, because the last time i jumped which is just a tandem jump btw, i got a panic attack T.T which doesn't turn out 'pretty' HAHA.

I thought my fear will be gone once i jumped.. stupid enough, now i don't dare to jump alone -.-" what if i can't breathe again if try it again.. ahhh so frustrating ! and fyi, it may look easy peasy from downstairs but once you get up there, you'll go like FML esp if you've paid the fees and you have no other way than to jump -.-" i guess i'm just going to eat roasted pig till i become a pig and play till i can't play anymore.. better bali than nothing right? SIGH.

So, I thought of changing my phone and iPod, but i really don't know how to get my parents to buy my excuses.. plus i don't know how to ask for more, i seriously feel damn guilty LOL chanel bag, tiffany & co's necklace, my semi dslr cam + 2 lenses, iPad and +++ in november. really really really don't know how to ask for more stuff -.-" ok, this is such a long and wordy post.. *breathe breathe breathe* THIS IS A GOOD LIFE. yupp, so till then.. which is prolly very soon cos i'm bored most of the time HAHA.

counting down

2010-11-18T23:20:00.004-08:00

so i guess it's time to update my blog, it really has been a long long time (: and time flies really fast ! i was just about to enter bowen four years ago and in a blink of an eye, i'm about to leave soon.. 3 more days left and counting down. i guess i'll miss alot of things, alot of people *like mr farid hehe*, and food ! HAHAHAH *i'm craving for prata now* can't believe that i wont be coming back anymore and it will be winter for the whole next year ! trust me, i'll be sick of seeing snow by then -.-"

partied really hard this few days, reached home at 6am everyday.. and i've done something that i haven't done before for my entire life on my birthday :D which is to watch a movie alone ! *MEGAMIND* had a good laugh LOL went home and got a birthday bash which is not surprising at all, because.. cut it short, i'm the one who surprised them? (; prom wasn't really exciting? people taking pics around and me standing there at one corner? lol i guess all in all, each compensate the others..

been ktv-ing for one whole week and i still havent lost my voice yet !! yesterday was awesome, had bowling till it close then make a birthday bash using donuts -.-" and then ktv-ing all night long *singing waka-waka is the best part, of course (;* and i wanna give special thanks to jesper for the jersey that i've been longing since like forever? ^^ then fel for getting me polaroid haha the rest is what? pending? LOL and i still have 15 minutes left till my birthday ends *i was born around 4 pm okay ! muahaha* enough of the nonsense.. so i guess, till then? (:

wandering about wonders.

2010-08-09T19:46:00.006-07:00

& when i thought everything was over, 'verisimilitude' strikes me.

thanks to the art of wonders, i'm once again.. lost.

hello peeps (; i'm actually surprised that some people still do read my blog despite the super long break of non-updates. my life is getting more ridiculous nowadays. books are totally out of the context when it should be the most important thing ever for this period of time -.-" and o lvl prelim is coming soon ! my long weekend were great if you minus my failure in revising part. as i've said, books are totally not in the context & my super long weekend is all about movies !

watched salt & au revoir taipei on friday, the last airbender & curse of the deserted on saturday, inception on sunday, & last but not least.. streetdance on monday !! it suddenly strikes me that i actually miss dance very very much.. ok back to the point ! OH MY GOD, my o lvl english oral is on next monday D: all the important tests are like in front of my eyes but till now i still couldn't see a thing. i'm not sure of my content and i'm not panicking at all. where the hell is my sense of urgency?

if i could wish for one thing right now, all i want is some urgency & motivations. i need to panic, i'm just too relax in my own state of mind. in the past, when teachers gave us test.. i would be all panicky and start studying. now, those tests don't seem to bother me anymore zz. at most, i would just copy & by copy, i mean copying like the whole paper =.=" i guess i would be neglecting this blog for quite sometimes, it's really time for me to jump down if i don't start studying NOW. but u'll never know when will i update it though (;

if i were to start studing, ditching laptop is a must ! but i just couldn't seem to do it.. i can't bear to ): gonna sleep and start studying once i wake up. eh nahhh, i mean i gotta eat first HAHAHA. or else i won't even have enough energy to walk and take my books ^^

the non-rewindables

2010-07-04T08:51:00.009-07:00

time is the one that's forgiving you & it's not as easy for me cause all i know is.. everything could have been much different if what's going on now never existed. fool me once, shame on you. fool me twice? think about it again...

all i'm left is 6 more months

& all i want is to get somewhere beautiful.

hi peeps, i know i've been away and not posting for like zillion years. holidays were great, that speaks why i've not been able to update during the holidays. i've too much stuff to do like admiring what i've bought wahahah *GUILTY PLEASURE, of course (;* lotsyy and muchyy big things had happened during the holidays e.g. it's been decided where would i be next year.. YES T.T too tragic i know. now, i can declare officially that i have my new 'god' -.-" who would ever thought that i would say yes to an offer that would send me to the 'ancient world' *yup, that's a clue (;* at first hand the answer would be a big gigantic never ever NO ! but the truth is... i buy the offer & i got bribed. MIU MIU is now my new god ;D muahahaha & something else is coming along the way at the end of this year another god which starts with C, C****L, female's bff (;

another reason that i've not been updating much is because i'm too devastated. everybody knows that brazil went home earlier than expected, .. i'm sad like mad. now i can no more anticipate the upcoming match, scream excitedly when the players come out and i saw KAKA ^^ i can't stare at my laptop screen and got mesmerized when i saw kaka singing brazil's national anthem & there's no more 'OMGOMG KAKA IS NOW HAVING THE BALL... ALMOST !!' all of the above vanished and i'm f*ing going mad. it's just been a few days since their match with netherlands and i'm already like abso-fucking-lutely missing them T.T i miss BRAZIL, KAKA and their classic Brazillian attacking "Joga Bonito" style of play. i want them back in worldcup !!! D: so yup expect an entry dedicated to my beloved brazil squad and my boyfriend, kaka EHMEHM ^^ soon, ASAP ! i love them to the maxmaxmaxmaxmaxxxx ! & this year's worldcup?? if u ask me to define a world cup, i'll tell you this.. if brazil is not playing anymore, world cup sucks ttm ! even messi went home.. wtf-ing wrong with this year's worldcup man? btw expect waka-waka on the way ;D

my mom will be going back soon and i'm going to get even more devastated than what i've got myself into. i've just got back from my guilty pleasure activity, i shall repay back by studying.. yup u hear the word, STUDY ! hahahahaha ;D hardworking? u name it ! but wait.. i'm expecting like probably touching my books for 5 minutes & fall asleep right after i read the first sentence, OOPSIE ! HA HA ;D

let it loose

2010-06-07T13:31:00.009-07:00

yo peeps ! it's 5:23 am in the morning & i'm like a zombie staring at my laptop's screen downloading songs.. i guess i'm not sleeping again tonight. sighs. feel so sleeeeepy & i don't feel like coming to school later. flying in less than 12 hours and i haven't even finish packing all my stuffs yet ! i'm like very very confused right now, what school book should i bring back? it's not as if i'm going to study and revise but i do feel guilty if i don't bring it back with me LOL.

can't wait to fly off soon :D but i really don't wish to become a mute person once i reach there. thanks to my whole big fam + cousins who were cruel enough to leave me and fly earlier to beijing =.=" zz. going to transit in hongkong for an hour, that will be pretty boring D: plus another few more hours flight to shanghai and i have a feeling that the 2nd flight will be without TV zz. drop dead bored to the max. to top everything up, i can't read, i can't write, i can't speak chinese. in conclusion, no offence.. i hate china ! =.=" why on earth must i fly alone !@#$%&*

if i'm not in school later means i just simply couldn't wake up ^^ my room is so messy right now, disastrous ! i can't even look at it =.=" i guess i'll be mia-ing for awhile till i reach jakarta :D *unless i found a free internet* i'll try to tweet though (: i'm so going to burst my tummy and shop till i drop in shanghai & HK. gonna sleep for hours and hours inside the plane.. & once i reach there by midnight.. i'm going to sleep for HOURS again :/ it's time to let loose & party all night long (; oh & one more thing, i lost my student pass muahhahaha they probably won't let me enter singapore after holiday which means.. *few more days of holiday extension would be nice? :P*

i guess i'll see ya'll soon in a few weeks time ! enjoy your holiday peeps ;D

my opposite ending

2010-06-05T12:25:00.012-07:00

ahhh i'm super bored D: i'm like the only one left in this house. have been watching personal preference for the last few days & i finish it in 2 or 3 days ;D my friend recommended me to watch it because a lot of people thought that the girl's behavior and characteristic was somehow very similar to mine. and... after i watched it, i seriously got offended =.=" LOL. at first i thought it was a compliment ^^ *MUAHAHA*, then i realized those things that were 'similar.' she LOVES to eat, she NEVER clean her house *if only you could see my room right now (;*, she sleeps ALOT, & lastly.. she doesn't take a shower unless she goes out *approximately 2/3 days without shower.*

as the story goes on, i eventually understand what she meant by SIMILAR. ahhh yes, feel so proud of myself -.-" plus she undergoes similar major life problems like mine ! everything was perfectly identical, except for the part that at the last few episodes.. she managed to get a very very handsome*i know.. lee min ho, what do you expect -.-"*, caring boyfriend.. it's just everything that any girl could ever dream of. a gentleman who "pretends" to be gay ! but my gay friends doesn't seem to be someone who pretends to be one *they SEEMED REAL to me :/*plus not as handsome as LMH either *the handsome part is a bit hopeless of course -.-* & only 'sometimes' a gentleman :p

the series obviously ends with a happy ending. how i wish my problems had the same ending, with the perfect sweet revenge + a guy who falls from heaven. AWW how niceeeee would it be ;D ohh i almost forgot to mention this.. WATCH SEX & THE CITY 2 ! mad hilarious, totally awesome. ahahhaah the '2nd abu dhabi's market' scene where the packet of condoms flies around everywhere + i f*ck thingy. omg even our innocent elizabeth laugh non-stop when i told her about it & i've polluted mel's brain. OOPSIE ! :X hahaha *p.s. you two, keep finding the scene k ! ;p* can't wait for sex and the city 3 to come out x)

it's 4 am now O.O i better sleep, got a very very early tuition tomorrow zz. stay tune for another update very very soon :p *but i ain't promising you a thing k HEHE*

night night everyone (:

lost, at times.

2010-05-25T11:19:00.013-07:00

at last an update, i'm twittering much but not so for blogging. my life gets pretty boring nowadays. everything is all about sleeping, watching and eating. i know you've heard enough about this *trust me, i had enough of this too -.-* i guess i'll be able to blog more often if all the updates are about dreams and movie/food reviews LOL

getting back report book on thursday.. i'm definitely not fine with this. i think my guardian is coming? & i'm going to be 'so the very' dead. i bet she *whoever the teacher is* will start talking about all kinds of atrocious comments, deprovement in studies, & etc. some examples?.. (: forgot to bring calculator for chemistry's test ._." , without french curve during e maths' test o.o", without protactor during physics' test -.-" , with an empty correction tape during SS' test =.=" and more to be added X.X" can somebody tell me why am i getting more stupid, dumb, clumsy, & careless when o level is coming like in no time? CHRESTELLAAAAA, WAKE UP !!

feel so lazy to come to school tomorrow. wasting my time at the library, playing laptop, got killed later on by mr shafee for english oral, perfect school days.. moody enough in school, got home and there's a housemate who's driving me mad. there are times when i feel like screaming, tear her flesh and rip her bones apart -.-" *sorry, watch too much crime scene investigating series (: =.=* trying my best to be nice but i'm really boiling inside zz. other people will like you if you let them control you, it isn't worth it. keeping that in mind !! can't wait to fly off :D & i hope the next post will be in a much nicer tone and with a more pleasant content. only time will tell, we'll see..

i feel completely very lost, sometimes.

stress free & carefree for now

2010-05-17T08:23:00.013-07:00

in the end, happiness depends upon yourself (: when i'm ready, i'll let things be the way they are

been long since my last update, don't really have much time to update.. more like don't feel like updating. have been keeping myself busy with the mentalist and gossip girls lately. need to catch up on lots and lots of episodes because of semestral assessment of course. SA1 sounds much nicer than mid year exam & i feel much smarter by calling it a semestral assessment, wonder why? after all my lousy results, something to flatter myself i guess (;

i think i haven't touch my books ever since my last paper. gotten back almost all papers except for english, i'm seriously praying that hopefully i'll pass my english. obviously i don't think i'll.. falling asleep while reading the boring comprehension passage explains everything well enough right? LOL. what's so interesting about mummies extraction? *clueless*

& my mom will be going back tomorrow !@#$%^& FISH. no more shop till i drop, no more nice food, no more nice breakfast every morning, no more everything. back to my lonely, boring life. can't wait till holiday starts, i'm off to somewhere before heading back home ;D can't wait to play, shop, & last but not least, EAT of course ! muahahaha. gonna apply my visa once my new passport comes out tomorrow ! hopefully the passport's picture won't be as ugly as the previous one, better be nice ! i don't wanna bear with another ugly picture for another 5 years.. nightmare D:

hmm.. i think i'll ask for permission to leave 2 days earlier before the actual school holiday.. hopefully it will be fine. set aside o level, i need a break before i'm going to start studying like mad *WHICH I DOUBT* wonder how am i going to waste the first few hours of school tomorrow, mother tongue lesson? chinese class? hopeless zz.

6 more months and counting down ..

never a chance

2010-05-08T03:40:00.013-07:00

but it's not right to fall for another, if only you could..

yes i'm back, finally hardcore papers are over ! but i'm scared for my maths and a maths, if i don't ace these two subjects, i'm totally dead @#$%^ 'cause i know i've failed both of my sciences =.=" after spending days and late night hours of studying, staring my laptop for hours now seems so wrong =.=" i feel like going out to catch the back up plan but everybody is just busy studying.. why can't they just let their brain rest for awhile?? i was like out to catch the bounty hunter last week when chemistry, geography, maths, and physics paper were haunting me. i didn't know that i'm actually so smart and only need like 2 hours to study for geog when i never even listen in class, and half a day to study chem and physics. *mind you, i'm not boasting.. i'm just surprised LOL* but all my marks will definitely be like HELL, it's just too red. can't wait for mid year papers to end & come back for dance, i miss dance like very very very badly. my body is like freaking stiff now -.-"

ahhh.. finally got some company to watch the back up plan with me. good thing there's still some empty seats left and it's freaking 2 rows from the front -.-" but it's better than nothing right. thank god there's such thing in this world called credit cards. if you were to ask me to go and buy the tickets there, i would probably reach like 10 minutes after the movie starts, not before. 'cause i'm always late for everything and anything (; shall end this post here, i better get going and collect the tickets earlier or else they're going to kill me. yayy here goes another late night movie ;D

wake me up

2010-05-02T09:33:00.012-07:00

how many 'talking' are there? :p i was actually talking and screaming about traveling and food rather than doing my chemistry stuff during tuition just now. this is one of the food blogs that i actually screamed non-stop about.. this is why you're fat. *this is probably the reason why making a tumblr acc is not so a good idea :p beside posting there, i'm actually addicted to other people's tumblr* the first few pages, most of them are desserts but when you go beyond page 5 and above, you'll start seeing gigantic sandwiches and burgers with double meat and double cheese :O *HEAVEN* & sometimes when i eat most people would probably go like WTHELL, this girl eats these much LOL i'm actually a huge big fan of fatty foods & it makes me happy (; HAHAH

the new season 4 of britain's got talents is finally up, have been watching the 21 new videos that they've put up on youtube & some of the acts were really jaw-dropping. share with you one cool act ;D the regurgitator. can't put it up on my blog 'cause the dumb person disabled the embedding codes -.-" anyway, this guy is awesome and i think he got a really cool talent too. how many people in this world could actually do that? omg.

wasted my 2 wonderful days, went out yesterday and was fooling around just now. i shall sleep for a few hours and start studying for chemistry around 4 or 5 am.. oh wait, or maybe 12 pm if i actually end up sleeping for a few more hours ^^ .. cause even if i can wake myself up at 4 or 5 i bet i'll only read 2 sentences and fall right back to sleep heeee ;D

procrastinating much.

2010-04-27T07:58:00.007-07:00

i miss my instant cheer up & everything that has got to do with it ):

i've been procrastinating much on my school work. if i was about to elaborate on all of my mistakes for the past few exams, it will be a magnificent descriptive essay. my chinese oral, physics spa, chemistry spa, chinese listening compre, and the latest one of course.. clb paper 2. all gone case matter. like seriously i don't even know what the teachers are talking about in school for all their respective subjects.. i don't feel any pressure, i know i'm not going to do well for mid year & i'm scared because i'm not scared at all. i can tell myself that i'll be studying now but it's really like.. as if. i know i'm not pushing myself hard enough, but i can't seem to make myself do so. have been keeping much things to myself & sometimes i just really feel like vomiting all of it out.

set aside today's battle, i need to fight for tomorrow's war.

sometimes leaving well enough alone is all it takes to make things work out.

so many things, so little time

2010-04-18T01:58:00.017-07:00

haven't been updating much.. i'm too busy ;D obviously not busy with studying, more to sleeping (: i'm just joking LOL there's just too many awesome things that happen these few days, this long post is just a summary of it & since i owe people lots and lots of albums, e.g. my outings, national museum egyptian thingy, band syf, sports day, speechday *i feel so god damn guilty LOL* .. i shall post few pics here & there.. the rest, please wait patiently until they are all up on facebook kay heee ;D

sports day was indeed a fun and super duper uber tiring day. had an awesome stomachache in the morning -.-" cabbed to the stadium with jas, obviously i was late *how could you expect me to reach there by 7.30 LOL* literally jogging for the 100 m finals, stomachache plus 'you know you can't win' the feeling contributed much to this & i'm happy enough for not finishing last :p shall not waste my energy on that 'cause i gotta flew over the track for 4x100 girls relay & practicing on how to pass the baton using an umbrella was funny like hell :p after that i totally have no more energy to run for the inter-cca relay, sry for running like a turtle ): & i got sunburnt thks to sports day !

adeline, eliz, me & mel (:

we got first for 4x100 girls relay ;D & of course our wonder woman, CHRIS !

went to hougang mall to had pizza after that, GLYC's treat ;D & we went mad.. totally insane !! i'm so gonna miss his lesson, no more laughing till my stomach explode.. clb students have been tossed around to different teachers, i wonder who'll be taking us after this new teacher went off somewhere in the middle of the year. all the best for LYC, who knows maybe i'll accidentally bump into him somewhere in china next year :p *yup i'm now lost, idk where i wanna go after O.. most probably a year in china then seattle? or 3 years in SIM then US? really lost.. suggestions please*

& yesterday speech day was (Y) ;D took quite a number of pics.. & my eye liner thingy was done by Mr Sng (: -.-" the others use pencil eye liner & he draw mine using black ink. my eyes were super black and thick ! the eye shadow was totally covered by eye liner, nice right ?! (: @#$%^ hopefully yesterday wouldn't be our last performance though, all seniors are praying hard for the PM thingy right now. like what our puppet master say, just one more performance and make it a great finale to the year (:

BDC & seniors !

Vee, cherilyn, & me (:

to adeline : pls go make a facebook acct to see the rest of the pics !

this pic shall allure her muahaha

this one is especially for ELIZ ! ;D

open it in a new tab for a bigger picture if u can't see ^^

she want me to buy this for her HAHAHHAHA !

& for guys out there..*this is a hint for you*, eliz only like strawberry flavour LOL

for more speech day pictures, go to vee's blog (:

& i shall end this post, off to study ! oh wait... i think it's going to rain now, i'm thinking of something else instead of studying LOL should i sleep? (;

for the good of the heart

2010-04-12T09:52:00.008-07:00

don't break apart, just breakaway.. & keep smiling, it's for the good of the heart (:

here comes another week & it's going to be a tiring one. even on monday, tons of homeworks and tests have been queueing and piling up. having some muscle cramp because of the stupid 2.4 km which makes me get silver for napfa. 33 seconds more, ARGH i want my gold D: should i run again? there'll be speech day rehearsal today and sports day tomorrow. my legs muscle are bursting, such a gone case matter.

i have such feelings that speech day rehearsal won't go as smoothly as public performance, i kinda lose my balance when we went through the steps last week, especially the jumping & turning part when i'm suppose to stand in the first row. oh and i forgot some of the steps too LOL. am i nervous or i just don't want my last dance to be over? i guess, i really don't want this to be over.. & even by just doing chanei' turns, i'll be in an instant cloud nine :D i don't wanna stop dancing ! ):

sports day on wednesday, why must i get into the freaking 100 m finals? !@#$% -.-" my timing was like seventh out of 8 & the difference was like 0.07 sec, WTH. i don't want to embarrass myself by getting last during the actual day please ZZZ ! all the other runners will be 'flying' with their powerful legs & i'll be crawling on track -.-" a total of 300 meters to conquer, i guess i'm just going to run until my legs break. i can't even walk normally because of the stupid 2.4, dead meat.. i need lady luck !

& all these things that i keep when i cared too deep, i'm gonna put it to sleep. at least for awhile.. 'cause I CAN RUN MUCH FASTER when nothing weighs me down ;D

ain't quitting, i'm almost there.

2010-04-09T07:51:00.012-07:00

it's like seeing someone for the first time and you look at each other for a split second & there's this kind of recognition like you both know something.

things simply disappear as if it never meant anything at all and when it feels like i've finally overcome the issue, something else comes along. It's like taking a step forward, but then get thrown six steps back. i guess i'll make it through though, somehow. 'cause it does not hurt as bad as before, 'cause i'm halfway there, 'cause it's just a little bit more & i love love love this feeling - the feeling where everything is just more than fine, it's greater than fine :D there are times you can't control your happiness, & you can't conceal the smile glued to your face. i do treasure those moments (:

whom should i trust?

2010-04-06T04:02:00.006-07:00

omgomg my mom and my cousins got captured by CBS camera crew when the amazing race season 16 starts in LA, the very first episode.. arghh stupid, i remember that day i purposely walked around them *who knows i might get captured LOL* in the end the one who gets captured were those who sit still. dumbest thing ever.. this is the video, see the part from 5:50 to 6.00 ARGHHH & i still can't accept the fact that i'm not inside. going madddd like hell ! i'm a big fan of the amazing race you know ): but to be able to watch them LIVE right infront of my eyes was pretty cool :D

today is very.. a lil bit of this and that. morning assembly, mr farid was indirectly talking about me and mel who kept coming in to the parade square after 7.40, he didn't specifically say who we are but he pointed to our direction when there's so many people who were late too, so sarcastic. ohh, during the assb program.. our so respected VP transform from MR tan to MDM tan, hilarious ! LOL. then physics, of course the king of sarcasm was aiming at me again -.-" eng, mdm lim didn't come ;D a-maths, i died. never once in my whole life, i get this kind of marks for my maths test. i did sleep for 30 mins during the test but still.. that single digit mark is just too unbelievable, better start doing padma's work ! chem & e-maths were usual.

then, sports heats ! at first, i didn't want to run but who will sub me when chris even need a sub & we couldn't find any. thank god in the end rachel run. was not feeling well just now but in the end got too excited that i wasted all my energy and voice :D great, now i'm heaving flu and i can't breath but if i were to really fall sick tomorrow then it would be great.. cause there'll be no geog test HAHA ohhh totally forget about maths test this thurs, die die die and i'll spend my saturday shouting and wasting my voice.. it might be my first and last time to sit inside the singapore indoor stadium, that's why i decided to go. & why must 'life is good' keep giving me sore eyes everyday, irritating -.-"

and i know this post is kinda selfish 'cause i wanna show to E that i'm super duper damn fine okayy so you must tell me everything that you know HAAHA.. i'm just too busy to think about anything -.- ohh and i might be uploading our wonderland trip pics in facebook soon, happy E? (: -.-"

everybody is saying different things. sometimes i wonder, whom should i trust?

7 more months & i know i'll make it through..

break it apart

2010-04-01T21:19:00.017-07:00

you know how you're watching a movie, and you kind of already know how it's gonna end, but you watch it anyway, just because? well, that's how it was with you. I knew it was only a matter of time, that it was gonna come out sooner or later. I knew how it was going to end. But I went on with it. I kept feeling the way I did because as selfish as it sounds, it made me happy. You made me happy. Now though, you're gone, and I have no-one to turn to. Would i take it all back if I had the chance? Yes, I would. If I could do it all over again, I'd wish never to have met you at all. Because no matter how happy I was at the time, in the end all you left me with was pain. I’ve learned to keep my composure, to play it cool when really it’s killing me inside. I’ve learned to let it go, to let you go. Yet I still care and it, honestly, it sucks. I want to be out there, gone and away from you. I want to forget about you. I want to move on, but I can’t, and I don’t know why. & it’s not that you hurt me that is so hard for me right now; it’s more that I believed every word you said, and I thought you were different. I thought maybe, just maybe, you changed. I blocked everyone else out because I fell for the shit you said. But the hardest part isn’t any of that. It’s that I honestly believed you.

i don't think i'm doing myself any good, this is more like a self-destruction. i thought i would be totally fine, i guess the choices that i've made sometimes are not the best ones. in the first place i should have not asked myself about the 'should i or should i not' question. enough with the what could have been, what should have been, & what must have been. all i need is one second to be carefree, to free my mind. and all i want is to be happy. maybe it's a good thing to experience amnesia now (:

i miss 2008 april fools, i used to hate it but it's just funny that i somehow wish everything that had happened back then can stay the way it was. i guess there won't be next time or next year.. i'm getting psychotic now -.-" there'll be no more sad things here, i promised. tumblr will be my next hell. HAHA so everything in this blog will be heaven ;D

happy belated april fools day & have a blessed good friday all (:

hang in there, 7 more months left..

gotta free my mind

2010-03-29T11:33:00.005-07:00

here's an update as promised (: feel totally sleepy today. i think i have a really severe insomnia. seriously need help, sleep only for 3 hours a day.. i'm like a living zombie. after my mom went back right when term 2 starts, i'm back to my old sleeping schedule which usually i'll often end up not sleeping at all..

thought of not coming to school later, the rain today totally soaked me to death from head to toe, HEADACHE ! plus a-maths lesson which mdm padma was like totally pissed as i was about to sleep in her class again HAHA * i wonder how i'll survive her class later, so boring -.- * & i broke a thermometer during chem lab session, the mercury was free flowing around.. didn't know that mercury can cause brain damage LOL mrs ng was like busy evacuating people from the bench, feel damn guilty :X then she put the sulphur all over the floor, i'm like do i need to bath sulphur too? LOL at least if i'm dead later, you know that mercury is for all to blame :P

haven't even start memorising on my electrolysis + ammonia notes yet, so going to do badly later on.. it's either i'll sleep during assb or study chem which is so unlikely -.-" there's 2 essay geog test for wednesday & a maths test on thursday. KILL ME PLEASE ! the only thing that i look forward to is good friday ;D ohh i forget to mention that there's phy ACP later ): oh myyy, everything sucks to the max.. if there's no dance & i didn't skip school last wednesday, i'm very certain that i won't come to school today. shall post again tomorrow night? if i have time *i want to post jokes !! i haven't mention about the high jump incidents during sports heats, so hilarious ! some people are so going to complain once they read this LOL*, hitting bed now.. nites all (:

I guess in the end, people become that people they promised they would never be and they do things they swore they would never do. in times like this, really need a carlsberg badly LOL

play not to lose

2010-03-24T00:27:00.006-07:00

OH MY G ! it's only the first week of school after term 1 break and i'm now back to my old life -.-" "keep snoozing my phone alarm," it's always a big problem ): in the end i know i would fall back asleep and won't wake up till noon. at least that's the case for today, i hope it won't happen again.. almost forget about the funny part LOL, yesterday i was like telling mel not to be late for school over the phone. cause i was hitting the bed early *which is so unusual* and i thought i would wake up early too. in the end, when she called this morning.. 'where are you?' i'm like 'on bed?!'

skipped my chemistry ACP today LOL. i guess it's just one of the many 'achievements' i've achieved on the first week of school, how great isn't it (; & yesterday was HELL, i slept for 'one and a half hours only' the night before and i managed to run the next day. but i don't wish to get into the finals, being last will be so damn not funny lol. girls relay for tomorrow, i better sleep early tonight but i really doubt it -.-" i've just wake up an hour ago and i've been sleeping for 15 hours today. how am i going to sleep tonight, i wonder. zombie mood is on.

my homework is a mountain, i wanna make a tumblr, and i shall watch my latest gossip girl ep. for those who can't guess that homework will end up last or end up not done at all is damn low in IQ :p just kidding (: but it will end up last or undone for sure !

the big O is getting nearer and nearer.. C, you better buck up !!

& this is damn random but it's going to rain.. signs of YAY-ness :D

i can't remember what it's like to not be tired,

it feels like i'm dead but breathing. sighs.

it's not yet time.

2010-03-17T23:11:00.028-07:00

there's a lot of crazy things that have been going on with my life, be it happy or a sad one, too many if i got to put it into words but all i know, it's all memorable. i'm going to keep it and bring me to wherever the place that i'll settle next. so bring me all the sweets & shits that all of you got k, i'm up for it :D went out with AEMSV ytd, funfunfun ;D again pics gotta wait for my cam's cable heee (: & gossip girl is damn L-O-L, i'm starting to get addicted again. now that i've gotta wait for make it or break it season 2 to come out, i shall keep myself busy with 90210 and family outing !

before everything comes to an end, i still need to face my next big uber hard thing which is stepping down from BDC. it's going to be hell as sad as ever. can't believe that the thing that i can constantly count on will be taken away from me too ); but i still have a month i think, i'll live it up & i'm not going to stop dancing even if there's no more cca. dancing brightens my day (: it's the most faithful & the only thing that i can count on when nobody is on my side. j-j-j-just dancee ;D i'm so lady gaga LOL looking forward to speech day ! (((:

i'm always fine with goodbyes, i've learn it the hard way & i keep imagining will i break down when i bid my last goodbye. i'm not even sure about where would i be a year from now? & in a new place, you've gotta start everything from a scratch.. by yourself. that's the only thing that i'm scared of & i'll definitely miss all my peeps here. despite that, i'm actually looking forward to it & the fun part is that all it takes is to depend on yourself & i've been working on that for quite a few years. nothing is going to bring me down. just live all todays and see what all tomorrows will bring you, that way i'm sure everything will be fine. all those whom i hate and i love, i'm so gonna badly miss all of you guys (;

it may looks as if i'm already typing out my last message to all of you but this is just a starting point. gotta train myself to write about sad things you see :p so stay tuned, there'll be more to come and the last message which probably will be out somewhere in november will be as touching as nicholas sparks' novel LOL i promise ! ;D

if it's a heartless person why would i need to be so concern. 1st of all, it's none of my buss. 2nd, i've got too little time to spend all of it this way, & to top it of, it's only 7 more months left till i'm gone, i would definitely regret & pity myself if all i can do is to feel remorseful, might as well be happy for you & enjoy what you've got to bring right, ex-best friend? (:

7 & a half more months.. & still counting down

maybe mia-ing till i finish all my homeworks which i don't know when, gotta start forcing myself to study since term 2 is starting but i don't think i can mia my blog -.-" well you know, CHRESTELLA ^^ especially when it comes to homeworks LOL NO COMMENT ! HAHAHAHA

i'm done being nice

2010-03-16T10:06:00.006-07:00

i've tried very hard to hide it but i just can't.

it's more of an angry feeling than a sad one.

& i really need to type this out to make myself feel better.

setan lo, kalo ngomong tuh pake otak. kalo mau janji itu juga mikir dulu. jadi orang tuh jangan egois, manusia itu modalnya bukan cuman tampang. manis itu jangan cuman dimulut, kalo hati lo busuk apa bedanya? udah cebol masi banyak gaya lagi. rasa menyesal pernah kenal sama lo sih terlalu banyak sampai beratnya satu ton, jadi kita conclude aja kalo guw tuh jujur aja menyesal banget udah pernah kenal sama lo. karena diwaktu lo butuh guw, guw selalu ada & diwaktu guw butuh lo buat ada disini atau at least ngebantu sedikit ngelupain, yang lo bisa buat itu cuman buat masalah jadi tambah ribet, e.g. status yang lo pamer2x. & setidaknya guw selalu berusaha memperbaiki keadaan kalo guw tau guw yang salah tapi lo itu tipe orang yang sedikitpun ga pernah merasa bersalah & ga peduli tentang perasaan orang lain. yang lo pentingin itu cuman perasaan diri lo sendiri which makes you such an egoistic and selfish person. you don't know how to appreciate usaha orang lain, temen lo ada berapa banyak sih yang lo treat begini.. setau guw ada banyak kan, kenyataan itu ga perlu di deny. & how far do you think you can go with this kind of attitude, mimpi aja..

& i don't type this based on what i feel. it's just certain things that i've come to realise after 3 years. i totally have no intention to talk bad about other people. these things are just a few from many that will actually make sense if you try to be open-minded. 'cause afterall the one thing that's very obvious is that.. you always try to solve a problem by running away from it.

to change for the better is always a good thing & nothing is ever to late.

just dance & everything is goin to be okay.

2010-03-16T04:13:00.015-07:00

yayyy i can sleep all day long now, finally there's no more extra lesson (: i've just realised that i've been playing super hard this year :p yesterday went to orchard, skipped a maths today & went to orchard again with mel, caught nodame cantabile & it's such a coincidence that we met him.. it has been 3 years since i last saw D, at first mel & me didn't believe that he is what we saw LOL it's great to know that he's doing fine (: anyway the movie is damn cute & the girl is well.. as retarded as i am HAHAHA. going out to orchard again tomorrow to catch movie with EMSV & hopefully A can make it too :D & we shall go crazy ! why must i be so playful during my o lvl year omgomg, i need to seek psychological help !!

shall try to start touching my homeworks tomorrow, will be catching up with make it or break it & gossip girl episodes today and tomorrow's afternoon is reserved for playing hard (; i miss dancing on stage, i just realised how different is my skin colour after watching the video from dance blog LOL i really look like a zombie ! i miss all the practices, scoldings, and all those die hard rehearsals ): hate this feeling.. keep telling myself that there's still speech day, but still.. I WANNA DANCE SO BADLY that it just hurts & feels weird not to.. seeing pics from eliz's & vee's blog makes this feeling even worse..

8 more months left ): i shall keep spreading all the love ;D

what's this feeling that i'm feeling? •˛•

it takes everything to hide every single pain.

2010-03-15T07:26:00.004-07:00

life, these few days, has been a roller coaster ride.. there's a lot of ups and downs, excitement & disappointment, & things that well.. you couldn't help to stop it but it just happen, whether you like it or not. First of all, Public Performance is over. i need to stop thinking about it.. someone help me please. it's officially O-V-E-R !

received lots of good lucks & all the best from unknowns and knowns, really appreciate it (: it was just 2 days ago, but i've already miss every single part of it. from tying our hair, to camwhoring, plus the adrenaline rush and the nervousness that we get. especially when you are the first one who needs to go out to the stage and hide. & i really miss hiding behind that small curtain with cherilyn & we'll be like omgomgomg, i'm so nervous.. good luck & all the best. then the other one will go 'you too !' LOL

although it was just a 3 mins performance, it really means a lot to those who performed, especially those who are graduating this year.. i won't take it as our last dance yet 'cause there's still speech day which is coming in one month time & this is just an un-official last dance HAHAH (: was quite successful in holding my tears back (; i don't wanna break down infront of so many people but vee made me teared a drop ): it's just.. sad. but i'll save the rest of the tears for speech day ;D afterall what is important is not the event but it's our dance & as long as we put our heart into it no matter how big or small the event is, no matter who's the audience.. still, the upmost important thing is our dance. so to all performers, we're going to make this speech day performance even more WOW-ing than public performance kk ! nothing is going to tear us down. BDC & SUPERWACK ROCKS & i'm so proud to be a part of them ;D

enough with the so many injuries + blood, sweat, & tears LOL. went out right after PP. it took me 30 mins to wash + comb my 'sprayed super hard' hair. AEMSV and me were the last one to leave, even the teachers left us all by ourselves.. ate supper & we are all damn HIGH HIGH up in the air LOL. & i'm like some drunk mad woman. i love indian dance steps :D & you can't help it when you're so stress out about so many things. public performance is over.. one of my getaways is gone ): & the songs that was played by the live band just 'clicked' with my life & i could sing like almost every song ._. so ya totally went high man. I'M IN A BAD ROMANCE WOOOO-OO-OO, NO NO NO NO DON'T PHUNK WITH MY HEART LOL haha getting high is just a different side of me, and the me you saw on that day is still nothing.. there'll be more to come ;p

shall post pics soon, but people please be patient okayyy.. i still need to find my camera's cable, totally forget where did i last put it HEEEHEEEE :D & be prepared to read more public performance related post.. and i might be back with sickening love shit *ehmm, it's not sick* post 'cause i'm like so bullet proof about this stuffs, every year is like all the same.. i still remember how i felt last year in this precise same month. but we shall see HAHA as for now, it's still..

"CAUSE WHEN I LEAVE FOR THE NIGHT, I AIN'T COMING BACK ;D"

my heart ache just as much as how much my body is aching.

& i need to dance to hide all those pain away,

just like forcing myself to dance so i can't feel this aching body.

it's not pride, it's self-respect.

2010-03-10T03:51:00.012-08:00

Psychological fact;
when a person cries & the first drop of tears comes from the right eye, it's happiness. but when the first role from the left, it's pain.
* & mine definitely comes from the right (;

finally there's rain today ! i was so so damn surprised LOL such a nice weather to sleep.. can't put it to waste haha so decided to snooze my alarm and sleep for a few more minutes. in the end, i fall asleep until 2 pm -.-" it's a good thing though. i get to skip my SS retest (:

need to do that 'hairstyle' again tomorrow. it's not cute, it's so ugly ): gotta tie my hair much faster ! & anybody have extra public perf ticket? pls sell it to me (:

soon, it's going to be one month since then.. time has changed so many things. i'm so much better than before and my life, it's just getting better. i picked myself up right after i just fell, i'll piece myself back to pieces. & i like this because i've learnt to be strong. i grew strong & i learn how to carry on. at the end of the day, i realised how much excitement and the love that i've missed from the peeps around me, & i'm definitely catching up with them ;D

it's 9 more months till i leave this little tiny dot.. i'm so going to miss lots of crazy peeps D: definitely can't miss anymore fun.. i'm so going to live, love and laugh with them every single hours, minutes, & seconds (:

& it's 4 more days to eternal bliss.

the odds

2010-03-08T12:54:00.004-08:00

can't believe that i'm actually updating my blog at this time, it's damn early in the morning and i guess i'm the only one who's awake.. but it's just going to be a quick post cause i need to mug for my physics spa *yesss.. i haven't start revising yet, fall asleep last night -.-* & i only have 4 more hours left. slept for one and a half hour yesterday, and for 4 hours today. i really don't know how am i going to survive till the end of the weekend. i need my beauty sleep badly ): & i just remember, i need to try that 'hairstyle' later on during dance.. i wish it really doesn't come out that badly LOL.

not forgetting to wish, my darling & my bro happy birthday..

happy sweet sixteen to mel & happy 13th birthday to my bro !

sometimes i can't help but to think why i can relate so well to mel while i always fight with my brother *mind you, it's not the usual fight.. we really do fight like SUMOS :p* & the odd thing is.. they share the same birthday -.-" i guess horoscope can't explain certain things too. well, call me superstitious but i really do believe in horoscope because of a damn funny incident that happened last year. after all, no matter how irritating he is, he's still my brother. i'm still considering whether i should wish him face to face or just ignore him.. 'cause what he did last week was totally unforgivable.

it just feels as if i'm having a toothache;

'cause even the sweetest thing on earth, hurts.

save me

2010-03-07T00:09:00.002-08:00

oh my myyyyy, what a typical sunday. boring day + empty stomach + untouched piles of HWs.. what a stressful and boring life D: it's even more devastating to think that next week is going to be fully packed with lots of stuffs and it's going to be even more stressful. yupp, i'm exploding.

watched law abiding citizen yesterday. like finally ;D i almost stopped the movie after the sadistic scene where gerard butler cut another guy's body into 25 parts.. now i understand why they rated it as nc16 cause it's totally scary and brutal LOL.

i shall sleep or maybe catch up with my 90210 episodes while waiting for my food delivery ;) & hopefully i'll start digging on my piles of homeworks soon. might even blog again later, i'm drop dead bored.

your 'down' & the other way around.

2010-03-05T08:36:00.007-08:00

finally it's weekend ;) i'm so tired with what's happening nowadays *especially after the fight that i had with my brother -.-* that when it finally comes to weekend, it feels so good but not that great 'cause my tons of homework is a mountain & i'm not even in the mood to do anything. sleep is the only thing that i can think of heeeheee ;D

physics spa is on next tues ! i'm dead dead dead, my physics sucks big time & all i do during lab session is to fool around with dragon. & 4e2 will be the first class to take the phy spa, so we totally can't ask around for any clue D: such an unfair life !

public performance is next week, and i just realised my wound infection is getting worse omg it looks totally disgusting. heal heal heal, i don't want to wear that stupid knee guard for every PP practice, it hurts like hell. & i'm super duper excited for PP ;D zombies + puppet + black tutu + hot pink stockings + our hair *this is the only thing that i dislike, you'll see why LOL* + adrenaline rush = myth & legend. can't believe that it's next week, i don't want it to be over so soon, not next week..

& i've just found this great song, which i'll be using for my blog song (:

here's the lyrics.

'cause it's just everything that i've got to tell.

since you been gone

2010-03-01T06:13:00.016-08:00

the first chem spa is officially over ;D i'm so busy these few days, feel so restless. besides that, i've been very unlucky too. last week i was accidentally box-ed by mr ryan in the nose LOL during the whole dance practice i felt like my nose was going to drop -.-" then the food poisoning + dehydration, and today i fell into the drain during pe, walked like a duck throughout the whole day ): 2.4 sucks zz.

next week there'll be physics spa + abrsm music theory exam + public performance.. i'm like fully packed ! i swear to god i'm going to die, i look like some robot who can withstand everything which in fact, i can't. there'll be cca tomorrow, thursday & friday. and for next week is like basically the whole week except for sunday, OMG.

it doesn't feel as if common test is over, i'm so tired.. like physically and emotionally & i bet the emotional part will get even worse for the next few days *teachers giving back test papers (: -.-* i took cab like almost everyday, & definitely running out of $$ omg why am i always lateeee for school ?! & my wound need a super fast speedy recovery or else how am i going to dance and crawl on the floor, being a zombie is stupid enough. now what am i.. a paralyzed zombie? LOL

i still can't get over with the fact that next week will be my last performance ): now i've come to realise that after all, the only person who deserves to receive my very last dance would be myself. yupp i'll be dedicating this dance especially to myself (: there'll be no regrets 'cause i'll give all my very best for that very last performance & that's for sure ;) WISH ME LUCK FOR THE UPCOMING DAYS !

Sometimes, you have to forget what you want.. & realise what you deserve.

sometimes you can't help but think.

2010-03-01T03:08:00.004-08:00

Some people choose to betray and lie because they love the other too much, not wanting them to get hurt. Instead, the person who lied is the one who hurts more than anyone else on the inside
- autumn concerto.

I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love (:

- mother theresa.

dear john,

2010-02-24T10:01:00.016-08:00

two weeks together, that's all it took, two weeks for me to fall for you.. -*

"I finally understood what true love meant.. love meant that you care for another person's happiness more than your own, no matter how painful the choices you face might be." - *

i'm sick, it's food poisoning plus dehydration sigh ): zz that's why i have so much time to blabber about things here (: what a way to celebrate the end of common test D: i wanna go for dance today ! now i'll be so lost in the formation -.-" so yupp won't take a leave for too long, gotta catch up tomorrow (: can't wait till 13 MARCH ;D i'm excited but still nervous like hell, i need to get over with my stage fright D:

watched valentine's day again with M & E ! my double cure LOL the movie is just so nice that i don't even mind watching it for 10 more times (: next is with Z to catch dear john ! caught the first premiere in singapore :D & it's a must must must watch ! from the beginning till the end i was like literally sucked into the movie, of course a few tears here and there. was totally mesmerized by channing tatum to death haha he's just too handsome, who can resist? :p & the interesting part is that i have so many things in common with the story of the movie which makes me relates well to it, sigh.. nevertheless, i don't mind watching it again heee :D

"It's possible to go on, no matter how impossible it seems, and that in time, the grief... lessens.

It may not go away completely, but after a while it's not so overwhelming." -*

- * DEAR JOHN.

my last fight

2010-02-23T03:25:00.005-08:00

omg, i'm left with 2 more chances of coming late D: dieeee, how am i going to survive till the end of the year ! ms toh had been asking me whether i need a morning call LOL & to make it worse, chem spa is next week.. how i wish i can have 'SPA' rather than 'CHEM SPA' -.-" broke an apparatus during lab session just now, surprisingly it's not only me LOL almost half of the class break that stupid thing, isn't it cool? i wonder what's the next thing that i'll break during spa hahaha

a maths & physics test for tomorrow ! i'm such a dead meat -.-" i want to sleep ! dance absorbed all my energy that i look like some jelly now but i haven't even start revising for physics and a maths yet, don't even think that i'll have enough time to try out some questions ! F9F9F9 D: the only solution that i can think about is MEDICAL CERTIFICATE ! hahahah YES, it's MC ;D

you put on quite a show

2010-02-21T06:37:00.007-08:00

darling, there's no need for you to lie.

i asked you & you said you never even thought about it?

i told you i would find out about it sooner or later.

i'm not blind neither am i dumb..

you're such a sweet talker, you're such a good liar.

i adore you, i admire you (:

that was quite a show, & it was very entertaining.

all you really want is love confusing joy.

2010-02-20T10:25:00.011-08:00

here's my cure for a broken heart,

there you have it folks, "young love; full of promise, full of hope, ignorant of reality !"

LOL, it's contradicting but somehow true.

really a must watch for those who haven't (:

i may not fall head over heels, but i'm on cloud nine ;D

should have watched it earlier. awww, now i can't stop smiling to myself (:

& i know you wanna hear those 3 words, LGN ! HAHAHAHA.

epic failure

2010-02-19T09:30:00.015-08:00

brainwash me, i've known things that i must forget & there's just too many..

i'm done with acting,

~~i'm not fine & was never fine at all,~~ OMG.

fuck my brain, i'm such a dumb ass.

what a total failure.

have faith that what happen is for the best, whether you understand it or not.

i'm sick of telling myself the same things over & over again.

~~i wanna talk but i don't have the courage to..~~

HOW MUCH LONGER DO I NEED TO SUFFER?

i NEED to watch valentine's day ! today, NOW ! ):

baby are you up up up up up?

2010-02-18T22:03:00.012-08:00

it's fridayyyyyyyyy ! (: sry, i don't know why am i super hyper today LOL finally managed to write 2 'complete' essays in 1 hour, new record :D my staying up late was not put to waste, hopefully my rubbish will produce me good grades LOL btw just now i was imagining a girl & she was scolding her boyfriend using 'PEEL' lol she gives main point, explain then give example and link, until the boy had nothing to say. okok what nonsense am i typing, study too much SS -.-"

i wanna go watch valentines day, somebody bring meeee ! but common test is around, OMG.. should i watch? i'll definitely feel very guilty if i don't stay at home & study D: but it's not as if i'm going to study if i stay at home LOL

i'm way way behind & need to catch up with many many variety shows episodes. i miss watching family outing ): why don't they recruit the same casts for season 2, arghhh !@#$%^& -.-" shall watch keeping up with the kardashians now & i might even post another nonsense again later because i'm bored bored bored bored D:

when in doubt, dance

2010-02-18T04:12:00.009-08:00

SS testtt ): i'm so so so so dead ! got home an hour ago but i'm still as lazy as ever to start opening my textbook.. -.-" cca was tiring but fun & i haven't bath LOL i wonder what grade will i get for my SS, speechless. geography shall save my comb-humanities! & anybody know what question will most probably come out for tomorrow's test? i'm still hoping that mrs tan will comment on my facebook status & give some clues heeeheeeheeee :D

& i definitely need to sleep tonight, or else i'll be a sleeping beauty during english test tomorrow morning D: i'm dying 'cause of SS ! i need some express diffusion for diplomacy, iraq & kuwait to get into my brain. apart from dance, i still need more activation energy !

i need that tough girl to be back

2010-02-17T04:27:00.011-08:00

i've done my detention, like finally LOL but i still owe them 5 more minutes, which i don't intend to do, heeheee (: exams are coming soon, omgomg i haven't start revising yet.. and of course i've been sleeping in class as usual. didn't touch any of my cny's hw. there's tuition and cca tomorrow, i wonder how am I going to survive my SS test ): and i just found out my music theory practical exam falls on the same date as public performance, dieee. gotta do something about it !

i hate this feeling. i can't even concentrate on whatever i do.

lady luck just doesn't seems to be on my side, sigh..

i wish i could fight & get it back, but i know i can never achieve that.

~~unless, you make it happen.~~

always a day too late

2010-02-14T19:14:00.003-08:00

i'm very certain that my last common test is going to be a disaster ):

how how how ?? i brought all my books home, but i didn't touch it at all HAHAHA when people ask me why did you bring your books home, i'll say let them diffuse into my brain :p

omg i really wanna do well for this common test, its going to be my last one, and i really don't want to disappoint anybody. esp, my chinese teacher. now i'm so dead, i really-really feel bad. first, i don't want that mei jia jiao to teach me again. second, i would definitely disappoint my teacher if i don't do well. BUCK UP C ! can't believe that tomorrow will be tuesday, i want to rewind time ! D:

lastly, i miss hip hop & can't wait for 13 march to come (:

'cause when in doubt, i dance !

f*ck ♥

2010-02-14T09:18:00.007-08:00

god i need somebody to slap my face 100 times.

i swear, i don't know what is happening to me.

i know i should start accepting the facts, but i just can't.

all your actions just makes me wonder..

is it true that all i can do is to disappoint people?

cause whatever that you are doing now is getting me nowhere. i'm really lost, my mind & my heart can't seem to cooperate together. you used to tell me that we can overcome everything together, then why can't we now? i'm here to ask you the exact same questions that you had asked me before, why can't you be the one? after all this time, you just want to give everything up for nothing?

try to shoot back all the things that you've said and all the questions you had asked me before. 'cause that's what i do, it kept me thinking and those were the ones responsible for the state i'm in and for what i am now. you swore & promised me that we'll make it.. if you have never meant it, why would you say it.

i don't mind starting from square one, all i wanted was to start a new & it's nothing more than that. throughout my whole life, i've never been so miserable like this before.

thanks for ruining everything.

double events, double the bad luck.

2010-02-14T03:40:00.013-08:00

was waken up by the sound of chinese firecrackers, it was so noisy & annoying D: this week is certainly not a good week, today is not a good day either. how could i possibly be sick during cny ): spoil the whole event. i almost lost my voice, i've got an upset stomach & a slight fever, don't say i'm getting this because i eat too much 'cause that would be really funny LOL & it seems that being home is a misery too, omg i'm forced to drink everywhere i go, if it's not plain water then something that is super uber not nice -.-" now that my cousins are all over the world, cny becomes really boring, i've got no friend at all.. wherever i see, it's all small kiddos. they're cute lol but i need someone to talk to, this year doesn't feel much like a reunion at all.

a very sad valentines day too lol. i only got a chocolate from my chinese teacher LOL & i actually stole it not 'received' it LOL. I just got the best dream in my life, but i know it would have never ever happen.

nonetheless,

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR & VALENTINES DAY to everyone (:

Hopefully you wouldn't be so unlucky like me :X

i know i'm so stupid. but on this loving day, i'm still hoping you would..

cause that's all it takes to make my day.

the XXXL pig

2010-02-13T02:40:00.007-08:00

no more singapore scorching sun, i finally get to see cloudy skies & of course RAIN ! :D home sweet home (: yesterday was officially my last last last hip hop dance D: all there's left is contemporary. i wanna dance hip hop again !! we're only left with 2 more performances ): can't wait till 13 march & i'll give my all (:

woke up early just now, today was my grandpa first death anniversary and also cny eve, went to the cemetery to pray. was sad to see my aunt break down in tears & i miss him alot. he looks really2x handsome when he was young too LOL. if he's now a teenager, i might even date him HAHHAHAA. won't be receiving anymore red pocket from him ): it's such a sad new year.

i've been eating a lot today. i'll grow from size S to XXXXXL omg -.-" and yes i'm going for dinner again after this, i'm such a fat pig haha. i don't wanna go back so fast, in a blink of an eye tuesday will be here very very soon..

i'm dumbfounded, this feeling is so awkward & it is so weird.

how many chance did i give you? did you even give me any?

such a heartless shit.

next plane home !

2010-02-11T09:13:00.021-08:00

i was ready to fall, but u forced me to turn around. & i thought forcing you to spit out your most painful words would help me forget about every single thing that i know & i could possibly remember. was certainly hopeful that it would help, but to no avail. well it proves me wrong, my hatred didn't grow & i feel numb too. At the first place, i should have not think about it, should have not try, & should have let it pass. i thought i need to make things right but IT WAS NOT THE CASE. you said, i didn't appreciate your effort. mind you, it's the opposite. if you could do it then so do i 'cause you're not any better than me. if you could be mean, SO AM I ! i never ever felt a thing for you, all seems dull. i thought you would change my perception of love, but all you had taught me was.. LOVE FOOLS & that's probably the reason why.. I VALUE MY PRIDE OVER YOU !

Now, i'm absolutely sure that i'm immune to possibly anything right now. anybody want to give me shit, i'll give them cow dung ! (: my head is now held high & you know what, MY HEART IS MADE OUT OF STEEL !

can't wait till tomorrow, home is where i belong (:

All you need is ♥ - the beatles

2010-02-09T22:59:00.016-08:00

where'd you go? i miss you so, seems like it's been forever..

that you've been gone. please come back home.

imissyou so, while youmissme not.
when are you going to get it together?

when the sun shines bright, i'm late !

2010-02-09T19:47:00.006-08:00

i need morning calls ! D: i've been late for mon, tues, & wed.. i owe 2 hrs of detention and should be getting another 2 but i went home just now :D *i would rather choose caning than sitting down there staring at the wall waiting for my precious 2 hours to fly -.-"* if the discipline teachers call my guardian again because of late coming, i think i'll become minced pork meat sooner or later. and i'm at lost in finding the reasons why i didn't come to school, any ideas anyone?

time flies so fast, i wish i could stay in bowen for another year, participate in SYF again ! definitely not contented with a silver when we worked so hard for it last year. waste my bucket full of tears ): and sadly but true, this friday would officially be my third last performance & also my last hip hop dance D: i'm going to get nervous like crazy again but hopefully i'll dance like nobody is watching. There aren't many shortcuts to happiness, but for me dancing is one of them (:

my runaway

2010-02-07T08:52:00.009-08:00

i'm tired of waiting & wondering why do you choose not to, i miss the old you..

GODGODGOD i need you to save me from HELL ! practically dying of school work and homeworks, don't you realize that every single post that i update you with includes my complain about school, homeworks, and of course tests which i'll have three for this coming tuesday. i've not done any of my homeworks yet, i didn't study for any of the upcoming test and surprisingly, i can still happily wasting my time to blog. yes i know, everybody knows, it's a runaway !

glued to reality shows for the past 3 days. my FO, keeping up with the kardashians, make it or break it, 90210, etc. it's just nice when my mind is free from the hectic & complicated life of mine. but screw it ! i'm dead now.. i just want to fast forward time so the next thing i know when i open my eyes, it'll be.. FRIDAY. as you all know, another weekend (: SWEEEEEEET !

WISH ME LOTS & LOTS OF LUCK THIS WEEK !

the untold truth

2010-02-01T05:45:00.005-08:00

i'm tired of trying to live up to the expectations of others.
i'm tired of trying to be someone i'm not.
i'm tired of faking smiles.
i'm tired of the truth & i'm tired of lying about the truth.
i'm tired of this messed up life god gave me.
i'm tired of all this nonsense.
i'm tired of myself.

your intellect may be confused, but your emotions will never lie to you.
state of confusion is not the place where i want to be right now.

your heart maybe made out of steel, but mine is certainly not !

time flies so fast

2010-01-30T23:11:00.025-08:00

time flies so fast, like those yellow cabs in NYC. it's my last year here, but why do people keep giving me tragic memories to be remembered rather than memorable ones, i wonder.

has been fooling around since Friday, january is ending which means it's really time to buck up ): i've been such a lazy bum since the start of the year, finally went out till the sun rise last night to celebrate my friend's birthday. knowing that we had the same dream to get into U-dub motivates me to work harder but i've been wanting to get into UCLA since forever ! i think i'm lost, i can't even decide where i wanna go next year.. can't picture myself anywhere, i need suggestions D:

now i know, ABSENCE makes the heart grow fonder.. ~~tub tath tnesod name hatt i tawn ouy to peek getinrta em kile shit. it hurts, you fool.~~

sleeping has always been my best resolution.

2010-01-28T23:48:00.013-08:00

finally reviving my blog lol, has been really2x busy with school. tests, homeworks, projects, and cca, everything is trying to kill every single part of my bodily functions. i might even think of taking euthanasia as an option LOL and yes it has only been 4 weeks in school but i've already accumulate quite a number of points for detentions ! i'm very certain that i'm still wondering around in my lala land. oh well, i need some wake up call D:

i keep wanting to sing
do you remember
cause i want to free it up
& let the good vibes run
but kings of leon would try to
steal the moment by

singing me, use somebody.

so, what's the truth.

boston - florida

2009-12-16T07:30:00.002-08:00

it's my last day in boston !! after seeing harvard and mit, i realised how hopeless i am in studies LOL and btw the universities is really big like super biggggg =.=" how i wish i could get in which i never will... (: -.-" but... wahahahaha shopping in boston is also heavenly fun !! i bought my macbook and marc&jacobs bag which cause my mother like almost us$ 7000 ++ and she warn me not to shop again *as if like i won't shop again lol*

currently waiting for the flight to board, and i'm now off to florida ;D and also to the place where they call it as the happiest place in the world, walt disney world :DD then universal studios and.. the space center where the first apollo to the moon is launched.. an so byeeeeeee ! :D

seattle

2009-12-03T14:31:00.002-08:00

morning morning morning, I'm bored D: Seattle is all mere sceneries, there's no roller coaster here. well there is, but it only opens during autumn, summer and early fall.. NO WINTER ! and waiting for my cousins till he comes back from sch is emotionally torturing LOL i wanna go somewhere but it's cold that's y i need a driver *my cousin* wahhahaa now u know why i need to wait for him ;D LOL

but anyway I'm off to Vancouver tomorrow and then to mount whistler where the 2010 winter Olympic will be held, isn't that cool? :D but my holiday homework is totally not cool -.-" not even a single one done, not until next year.. and I'm going to work my ass off next year, no slacking, all striving.. the new me is a nerd !!

2009-12-01T10:20:00.000-08:00

VEGAS ROCKS !! :D next stop, seattle !!

VEGAS, i'm coming !

2009-11-27T12:30:00.002-08:00

YELLLLLLLOW ! i'm finally back in Singapore... for 1 day LOL

i'm actually wondering about how to spend my time later on inside the plane, 20 hours and being stucked between 2 people is definitely NOT NICE -.-" my ass will be burning cause of the friction with the seat. i just hope it will be a pleasant flight, with no 'ear pain' !!

EHEEEH, this is quite funny but.. i'm quite worried with my HWs. i didn't touch any of it & to be precise i'm not goin to do any of them, NO TIME! *what an excuse LOL*

i'm busy busy busy & i'll miss my laptop D: anddd yes, i need to bath. QUITE A FEW hours to narita, LONG LONG hours to Los Angeles, FAR TOO LONG hours to Vegas !!

turning fifteen soon !

2009-11-17T07:16:00.003-08:00

hello peeps :D holidays has been.. well, quite boring but nice too lol. my 'so far' holiday accomplishments were catching astro boy and 2012 ONLY ! & both were SUPER NICE, really a must watch !

all my HWs.. no comment -.-" and i'm far more concern about new moon than homeworks. can't catch it on 20 nov, very stressful ! why why why i need to go to another city, zz. nevermind, i'll straight away catch that once i come back. team rob ftw !

& hopefully i'll have a blast tomorrow especially with the shower meteor that's coming up !! i'll try to stay awake till 4am, watch it & hopefully i can ask for more wishessss :D HAHAHA guess i'm really lucky this year (:

17 more hours till the real real real timing !

hello party !

2009-10-19T11:05:00.004-07:00

finally, i'm updating this dead blog :D

eoy exams had ended and i'm having fun like crazy. first of all, i don't even touch my school books, bags, and pencil case. it's an allergy u know(: and i've been going to orchard like almost everyday to catch midnight movies, $$ gone lol.

thurs : julie and julia *long boring story, i slept 3x inside, better don't watch, save your money (:
fri : my sister's keeper *A MUST WATCH ! bring tissue please :D
sat & sun : wanted to watch imagine that, but i heard that it was not that nice. so ya, rot at home. anyway, my wallet and me need some rest too :p
mon : the hurt locker *nicee, a very intense movie but it's m18, so there's a lot of disturbing scene (dead body and stuffs, don't think dirty please)

omg, life has been very very lonely man D: stupid extra lesson are making me to stay here longer and my bro had gone back *why must PSLE end so fast -.-"* while i need to stay here for 3 more weeks. hopefully there's no more afternoon lesson and CLB lesson for the rest of this term :D

feels so lazy to go to school tomorrow, rotting at home feels so much nicer ): anyway, blogger seems so dull.. i feel like changing to tumblr. should i change?

burning the midnight oil

2009-09-14T12:30:00.004-07:00

I don't know why I suddenly have the urge to blog about.... idk what i want to blog about LOL, but there's something that I have been wanting to say, which is.. I've just done my A-Maths HW HAHAH. okay, I know it's lame but this is called sense of achievement, because I hate binomial theorem to death but I've just completed the worksheet :D but of course with lots of blanks in it hee hee. Mind my lameness (:

I want more holidayyyy ! one week is seriously not enough, there'll be chem test on wed, A-maths test on thurs *beloved binomial -.-"* and we still need to mug for eoy which is coming very very soon D: hopefully, I'll start revising early cause there's definitely not enough time for last minute work, too much chapters to be memorized !

There's only 1 hour ++ left for me to sleep -.-"can't post any longer or I'll behave like a pig tomorrow ! So as to lighten up my dull post (: *BELOW* and byeeeeeee :D

googolplex gravity

2009-08-24T09:56:00.005-07:00

feeling so restless.. After getting back some of the test papers, it feels as if the whole world is going against me or something. I thought I studied and memorized all the notes thoroughly but the results that came out was never what I had expected. Glad that I pass both my chem and phy but definitely not satisfied with the marks, especially when both of them have the same precise 2 number digits !! Set aside science-s, english is even worse.. I know people are failing, but my marks is.. well, bizarrely indescribable.

When you fail, you tell yourself that you need to get back up, put yourself through whatever that you are doing now, look at those people who did better than you, try again with your maximum capability and get the kind of results that you want. But, when you try again for the second time, with your up most capability *even though I revised only the night before the test* and failed again. It doesn't feel the same anymore..

Definitely not producing the same kind of effect like before, where you'll be motivated to work harder. In a situation whereby you see the same familiar faces of people getting good grades and you know that you're going to do well but you just failed again, it broke the spell, disheartened you and shattered your determination.

'Cause when you fail for the second time around, physically defined, it does more damage, it feels harder for you to get back up, go right on track & do the right thing. How I wish time could stop now so that there's no need to attend school to face the rest of the papers.

no regrets just lesson learned

2009-08-21T18:16:00.009-07:00

MORNING (: super duper bored, so I decided to post.. like at last !!
yupp common test is over !
- no more sleeping with textbook
- no more going to canteen with textbook
- no more reading my textbook when I'm in bus
- no more *diffusion, if u get what i mean LOL*
- lastly, no more neglecting my pitiful "hp bf" :D

I thought I would do well for this time around, but after seeing my phy paper.. I'm like great.. just go and die !! What if I misinterpret SS sbq qns wrongly? What if my geog ans is out of point? What if I fail my chem? What if I fail my english too? my brain is full of, what if.. how wonderful, all I can do is to depend on my A maths & E maths, but I'm very sure that my report will be wonderfully printed with bad remarks. SIGHS goodbye to phy, chem, & comb humans. All the way to hopeless & infinity black !

& I hate people who says that they couldn't do the qns in the paper, lost points on this qns that qns and whatever qns but in the end they get A1 ! feel so betrayed..
nvm, I'll work harder for end of year exam. no regrets, just lesson learned..

to reward those, who've endured reading my longgg complaint post.. watch this !
well, this is only the last part, but to see more on how funny & smart he is.. my advise is to watch it from part 1 on you tube (: part 1 part 2 part 3 part 4
but if you're lazy then just watch this video which is the last part, enjoy :D

sick

2009-07-25T04:58:00.005-07:00

have been sleeping for hourssss ! yupp, catch a fever after school. At first I was very very happy because.. last week my friend catch a cold, and she had a one week mc ._. Since my temp was 39.2, I decided to go to Thomson med center, &... was treated as if i got swine flu -.-"

In the end it was just a very very high fever, thank god i wasn't admitted to hospital -.- .. almost k ! & I only got a one day mc for Monday, I think I should have gone there tomorrow.. so that I'll get a longer period of mc -.-" but the great thing is, my temp is going up and down, so i might not be coming to sch on Monday LOL cheers ! :D

hello & goodbye

2009-07-16T07:22:00.002-07:00

I realized that.... my blog is so dead.
So, I decided to make it a bit more lively !!
That's why I'm here to say...

H E L L O & G O O D B Y E !

LOL & I'll post again very soon maybe :D

short break

2009-06-06T13:11:00.002-07:00

H E L L O ! i am speechless ;X
I have nth to blog about D:
ahhh stupid barbie asked me to update !
S0.... what shall i blog about?

ahhh, i need to pack my things !! flying off to bali soon ;D
yayyyyy, i'm goin to bungee jump !
hopefully i'll be brave enough to plunge down this time D:
and and yaaa.. i need to pack my things !!

will be away for a few days (: ~~
oo shitt, my homeworks ! =.=" okay nvm,
let my brain have a short holiday MUAHAHA

sooo yup, BYE.. cya soon, & miss me !
i'm lost of words D: BYEEEEEE !

6 more days !

2009-05-22T09:57:00.007-07:00

i'm bored, posting here for funnnnnnnnn (:
had fun in school today, chi lesson was asking E,M, & S to kill their brain cells hehe didn't realised that gwen has high IQ *with some help of course, no offence* LOL :P english, was staring at the pic for... idk, my oral will be postponed so I don't really care that much (: maths, i finally paid full attention !! :D *cause she was only teaching for about 15 mins or so :P* and physics, *EH you you you and you, I WANNA PLAY TRUTH OR DARE AGAIN ;D* p.s. eliz i wanna dare you again too ! :DDD

shall start my countdown from today :D
6 more days !

do mind your words, cause gbf is definitely not brb !

dissapointed & dissapointing

2009-05-21T05:28:00.008-07:00

Hello, short update here. My marks are all horrible and terrifying D: i'm too dumbfounded to talk about it. So.... I'm just hoping that I won't be last in class. I really do think that I've choose the wrong cls :X

and I really really really promised myself that I won't be sleeping in cls anymore. HOPEFULLY ! D: I'll bring back all the As and get those teachers to print it inside my report book. but for now, i'm just the worst, worst from worst. There's no other phrases that could describe me better than this. i'm just the worst. sorry mom & dad, i've let you down D: it won't happen again, i promised.

make up ur mind, i'm suffering from it too. i can't bear to lose you, but i can't bear to hurt other people too. so just make up ur mind, i'm used to all types of heartbreaking things for the past 2 years. ur decision should be a piece of cake for me LOL Maybe I just need to give in again this time,
too used to it :D